By Annonymous

ٱلَّذِينَ يَذْكُرُونَ ٱللَّهَ قِيَـٰمًۭا وَقُعُودًۭا وَعَلَىٰ جُنُوبِهِمْ وَيَتَفَكَّرُونَ فِى خَلْقِ ٱلسَّمَـٰوَٰتِ وَٱلْأَرْضِ رَبَّنَا مَا خَلَقْتَ هَـٰذَا بَـٰطِلًۭا سُبْحَـٰنَكَ فَقِنَا عَذَابَ ٱلنَّارِ ١٩١

˹They are˺ those who remember Allah while standing, sitting, and lying on their sides, and reflect on the creation of the heavens and the earth ˹and pray˺, “Our Lord! You have not created ˹all of˺ this without purpose. Glory be to You! Protect us from the torment of the Fire. 

Quran 3:191

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My story begins on December 20th, 2020, the day I got married. It should have been the start of a beautiful chapter, but just a few weeks later, on January 13th, 2021, my world was shattered. I was caught for drug consumption, and in a split second, everything changed.

That day, I didn’t even get to properly say goodbye to my wife. She had no clue what was happening or why I had asked her to stay in the room.

When the authorities arrived, I was in a daze, and that was the last interaction I had with my wife before being taken away. I would probably have been in for a couple more years if not for the grace of Allah swt.

We hadn’t even spent a full month together as husband and wife. I didn’t get the chance to hold her, to kiss her goodbye.

ABOUT A MONTH LATER, MY WIFE VISITED ME IN PRISON. IT WAS THE FIRST FORMAL VISIT ALLOWED BY THE SINGAPORE PRISONS, BUT EVEN THEN, WE WERE SEPARATED BY A TRANSPARENT GLASS WINDOW, UNABLE TO TOUCH OR HOLD EACH OTHER.

That visit changed everything. It was during that visit that I found out she was a few weeks pregnant. The weight of guilt and regret hit me like a ton of bricks. I fell to my knees, tears streaming down my face, and apologized to my wife for not being there for her during those crucial months of her pregnancy and the impending labour.

From that moment on, I knew I had to change my life. Prison life wasn’t easy, especially when you’re trying to be a “good person” in a place where survival often demands otherwise. I had to stand my ground, sometimes even resorting to fist fights to protect my dignity. But with the will of Allah and the prayers of my parents, I was eventually transferred to a single cell, away from the negative influences that surrounded me.

In that solitude, I found peace and purpose.

I dedicated myself to my faith—fasting, praying, and reading the Quran. I completed the Sunnah fasts, prayed 100 rakaat on Nisfu Syaaban, completed the Quran several times, and engaged in frequent Qiyam ul-Lail.

One particularly profound experience happened during Ramadhan. One night, unable to sleep, I decided to perform Tahajjud prayers. Without access to a clock, I lost track of time and eventually fell asleep. When the cell lights woke me, I realized it was already time for Subuh, meaning I had missed my predawn meal. The day dragged on, and as hunger set in around midday, I dozed off while reading the Quran. To put things into context, the last meal i had was the previous break fast which was barely sufficient.

In my dream, I found myself in a large, green field with a massive spread of food laid out on a mat. The food looked delicious, and I could almost taste it—it felt so real. When I woke up, I felt full, as though I had truly eaten. It was a miraculous experience, one that reaffirmed my faith and my commitment to change.

Before my arrest, I had been a police officer(Ground Response Officer) for six years, but somewhere along the way, I had lost my way. I had abused the power that was upheld to me but more importantly i had forgotten my Creator and drifted away from my faith. I was living a life of excess, indulging in sinful pleasures, and neglecting my duties as a Muslim.

A wiseman once said, “If a calamity befalls you but brings you closer to Allah, it is goodness. But if goodness comes to you and takes you away from Allah, it is indeed a calamity.”

I had a decent job with multiple accolades attached to my name which is supposed to be a good thing but it swayed me from the religion. My arrest was a calamity, but it brought me back to my faith, and for that, I am grateful.

Fast forward nearly four years, and I can say, Alhamdulillah, that I’ve reached significant milestones in my personal life and marriage. The journey hasn’t been easy—spending a year in prison was only the beginning. I had to rebuild everything from scratch after my release: trust, respect, and relationships with my wife, in-laws, and family. It’s a story that could fill an entire book on its own. Back then, I couldn’t even step outside to take out the trash without my wife watching over me from the living room, afraid to let me out of her sight.

There were so many moments when I could have given up, when life was hitting me so hard that surrender seemed like the only option. But I chose to fight—for my freedom, for my family, for my future. I’ve learned so much along the way, albeit the hard way. Perhaps, I could share some and may it be of benefit to the readers here, Insyaallah.

A Happy Marriage: Building on Trust and Respect

We often hear the phrase, “Respect is earned, not given.” This is especially true in marriage, a divine relationship that requires constant effort.

As husbands, we have a responsibility, an amanah, to work hard to earn the respect of our wives. Gone were the days when fear could be used to command respect. The dynamics have changed.

I often joke with my wife about how paradise lies under the feet of the husband, and she always replies, “What kind of husband?” Her words are simple, but they carry a deep meaning. It’s a lesson that has stayed with me and one that I’ll carry for the rest of my life.

There are no shortcuts in this journey. As humans, we are prone to forgetfulness—we are “insan” after all who often forgets. Some of us need to stumble and fall before we realize our mistakes, while others may have an easier path. We may never fully understand the wisdom behind our trials, but our Creator knows what is best for us.

As Allah says in the Quran,

وَأَلَّوِ ٱسۡتَقَٰمُواْ عَلَى ٱلطَّرِيقَةِ لَأَسۡقَيۡنَٰهُم مَّآءً غَدَقٗا

“And [Allah revealed] that if they had remained straight on the way, We would have given them abundant provision”

Quran 72:16

Allah’s promise is clear: if we remain on the straight path, He will provide for us abundantly. This provision isn’t just material wealth, but includes peace of mind, contentment, and spiritual fulfillment. It’s a reminder that our purpose in this world is to worship Him and live according to His guidance.

When we align our lives with His will, we find that everything falls into place. Even in the midst of difficulties, we can experience a profound sense of tranquility, knowing that Allah is in control and that He will never abandon us. This is the true meaning of life—to seek His pleasure and trust in His wisdom, for when we do so, we can face any challenge with the assurance that everything will be okay.

SO, TO MY BROTHERS WHO ARE STRUGGLING OUT THERE, I SAY THIS: PRESS THE RESET BUTTON, RISE TO THE OCCASION, CHANGE YOUR WAYS, AND START DOING THINGS FOR THE SAKE OF ALLAH AND THE AKHIRAH.

Slowly but surely, you’ll see the dunya—the material world—fall into place. That’s what we all hope to achieve.

May Allah bless our lives, realign everything for us, and make everything fine, InsyaAllah. Ameen

Do You Believe in One God
& Ready to [Re]start your Journey of Faith & Gratitude as a Muslim?