By Shafna

To the Most Beloved— Ya Rasulullah,

Assalamualaikum.

The past few days, visiting your city has been so incredible. Praying in the mosque you built, seeing the way you lived with Aisha (R.A.) and coming as close as I can to where you are resting now.

As I prepared to visit your city, there were so many things on my mind. What if all the things I want to say to you don’t make sense? What if my heart isn’t pure enough— my repentance, not sincere enough? How do I carry this mixture of love, shame, and unworthiness to the one who never turned anyone away?

Ya Rasulullah, I wish I could have witnessed you building this ummah with your own blessed hands in Madinah, seen your face that was described as more beautiful than the full moon, heard your voice that brought revelation to life.

When I read about your patience with those who wronged you, your tears for an ummah you haven’t met, I think about the kind of prophet you were. How can I complain about my small struggles when you carried revelation, prophethood, and the weight of guiding humanity on your blessed shoulders? When you endured hunger, loss, slander, and exile, all for people like me who would come centuries later and still forget the things you’ve done for us?

For the first time in sujud in your beautiful city, I asked Allah ﷻ  “Ya Rabb, don’t let me forget this feeling. Please don’t let me walk away from this again.” It felt like your personal reminder to me about the work I need to do.

I am incredibly indebted to you, and I hope that when the day you intercede for us arrives, I won’t have to lower my head in shame or have any regret about the way I lived my life. I hope I would have made you proud to count me among your ummah.

While I say goodbye for now, all the time I spend away from your beautiful city will be spent counting down to when I will be here again, InshaAllah.

With love,

Allahumma salli ’ala Muhammad wa ’ala ali Muhammad.

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