By Kang Pei Yin Marilyn (Nur Sarah ‘Adawiyah)

My name is Marilyn, Nur Sarah ‘Adawiyah Kang. I am a Chinese and I reverted to Islam on 27 April 2019. It was the most joyful and significant moment of my life. Taking my Shahadah filled me with an overwhelming sense of happiness and contentment. I take immense pride in being a Muslim and to be a part of a community of sisterhood and brotherhood loving one another for the sake of Allah ﷻ. Never would I think that I would become a Muslim. As I look back at my life and recall the journey that I have taken to bring me to where I am today, I cannot express how thankful I am for the guidance of Allah ﷻ. The transformation has been a remarkable experience, and I cannot adequately express my gratitude for Allah’s divine guidance, which has led me back to Him.

A Brief Background

I was born into a Catholic family. My father’s family are Roman Catholics and my mother’s family are Taoists and they practiced ancestral worship. My mother converted to Roman Catholicism when she married my father. When I was young, I would attend church and catechism classes every Sunday. I completed both my primary and secondary education in convent schools. I was introduced to God and was taught from young that Jesus is the son of God and God is three in one: the Father, Son and Holy Spirit. As a child, I was in love with God. He was a higher being that I can pray to when I need His help, and I can ask him for favours.

Entering my teenage years, I enjoyed attending catechism classes as I made many friends. Church camps were fun, and I was relatively active in church. However, as I got older, there were more distractions that resulted in me slowly missing Sunday mass. Eventually, I stopped attending church services and was living a life that I would describe as aimless and non-fulfilling. I continued to believe in God but was not really praying much but I would turn to Him during moments of need when I needed help e.g. asking Him for help before taking an exam.

My Journey into Islam

Meeting My Husband

In 2014, I crossed paths with a Muslim man who was attracted to me, and he displayed unwavering persistence in his pursuit. At that time, I expressed my lack of interest in him as he was a Muslim and I did not wish to convert. However, his unwavering sincerity gradually won me over. Due to my deep respect for religion as a personal connection with God, I firmly maintained my stance against converting solely for the sake of marriage. I believed that such a profound decision should only be made when I genuinely felt ready. At that time, my limited understanding of Islam, coupled with the negative portrayal it often received from the media, led me to believe that my decision was right. Nonetheless, I assured him of my commitment to learning about Islam, with the intention to explore and understand the religion.

W.O.W (Women of the World)

My partner grew impatient with me when he saw that I was not putting in efforts to learn about Islam. We sometimes fought over religion. I would ask him back – why don’t you learn about my religion? Due to our fights, I sometimes confided in one of my best friend, Sadia, a Muslim originally from the UK. She reassured me that I should not feel forced to convert:

لَآ إِكْرَاهَ فِى ٱلدِّينِ ۖ قَد تَّبَيَّنَ ٱلرُّشْدُ مِنَ ٱلْغَىِّ ۚ فَمَن يَكْفُرْ بِٱلطَّـٰغُوتِ وَيُؤْمِنۢ بِٱللَّهِ فَقَدِ ٱسْتَمْسَكَ بِٱلْعُرْوَةِ ٱلْوُثْقَىٰ لَا ٱنفِصَامَ لَهَا ۗ وَٱللَّهُ سَمِيعٌ عَلِيمٌ

Let there be no compulsion in religion, for the truth stands out clearly from falsehood. So whoever renounces false gods and believes in Allah has certainly grasped the firmest, unfailing hand-hold. And Allah is All-Hearing, All-Knowing. 

Qur’an 2:256

She invited me to attend a Women of the World (W.O.W) gathering at a sister’s house to meet other convert sisters to hear from their journeys. They were from different parts of the world and they met monthly to attend a sharing by an invited Ustazah (Female Islamic Teacher). After the Ustazah’s sharing, we would have a meal and interact with each other. The sisters were very friendly and they made me feel welcomed. I was introduced to a Dutch sister, Sister Maryam, who initiated W.O.W. I would join Sadia to attend a few other sessions with W.O.W in the following years to come but I did not feel I was ready to convert. My excuse was that I was still studying for my Masters in counselling. I had no time to put aside to learn about Islam as I was busy juggling my full-time job with my studies.

Meeting Sis Mairi

In 2018, I completed my Masters in Counselling and started a new job. During this time, I continued to learn about Islam from joining occasional W.O.W sessions and by watching videos on YouTube. I was pressured more by my partner since I had completed my studies. I was not sure what to do, but I knew I needed to talk to someone, and Sister Maryam came to my mind. I contacted her in Jan 2019, and we met. She recommended that I attend classes in Darul Arqam and hesitatingly, I agreed. I attended a Knowing Islam Session (KIS) and subsequently a Beginners Course in Islam (BCI). I tried to keep an open mind and listened to the lessons.

I also signed up for an in-house talk at Darul Arqam on the topic of Love. When I entered the auditorium, there were a few empty seats and somehow, I chose to sit near the back, next to a Caucasian woman, Mairi. It wouldn’t occur to me back then that she was going to play a pivotal role in me embracing Islam. As I was early for the talk, I decided to introduce myself instead of scrolling on my phone. We started to converse and we even continued our discussion after the talk over Teh Tarik (Tea). I discovered that she was going to convert the following Sunday and had earlier made dua (supplication) to Allah ﷻ to get to know other converts. Immediately, I thought of the convert sisters at W.O.W. Coincidentally, there was a W.O.W session organized for that Saturday which was a day before Sister Mairi’s Shahadah. I invited her to join me to meet other converts and she agreed. SubhanAllah. Allah ﷻ answered her dua through me. I was going to link her up with other converts. It is amazing how Allah ﷻ answer our prayers.

Double Talks On The Same Day With The Same Ustazah

Sister Mairi and I met on that Saturday to attend the W.O.W session. The guest speaker was Ustazah Shameem and after listening to her sharing, both of us were both deeply touched. We spoke to

Ustazah Shameem and learnt that she had five talks to give that day. The W.O.W talk was her third one and she had two more to go. She shared more information and we signed up for her next talk. She informed the organizer to look out for us. When we got to the place, Dr Sharifah, the organizer, was very friendly and guided us to our seats. During her sharing, Ustazah Shameem would pause to further explain so that we would be able to understand her content. After the talk, Dr Sharifah gave us an English Qur’an each and encouraged us to read it and to contact her if we needed any help.

99 Beautiful Names of Allah

Dr Sharifah kept in touch with us and would invite us to the courses that she organized. One of the courses she highly recommended was Al Maghrib’s weekend seminar on ‘99 Beautiful Names of Allah’. Initially, we hesitated as we would not get to rest that weekend. After further deliberation, we decided to attend as Dr Sharifah mentioned that Al Maghrib has really good speakers and the seminar would be beneficial. It was a rare opportunity for an invited speaker from USA to share in Singapore. Sister Mairi and I attended the session on Friday evening (26 April 2019) after work and I was very impressed by the speaker, Sh. Ammar.

After the talk that night, I texted my prayer teacher, Ustazah Zulaikha, about my thoughts and her response caught me by surprise. She texted me with the following words: “You love Allah… Islam is already part of your life.” I cried when I read them. I know that they were not tears of sadness but I am unable to explain why I felt the way I felt at that time.

On the second day of the talk, Sister Mairi asked me if I knew when I wanted to convert and I remembered mumbling about me not being ready. During Asar (afternoon prayer), as most of the participants streamed out of the auditorium to pray, I approached Sh. Ammar to ask him to sign his book that I purchased. During our conversation, he inquired about my experience with the seminar, and I candidly admitted that some aspects, particularly the Arabic terms, were challenging for me as a non-Muslim. In the midst of our discussion, he broached the topic and asked if I was ready to take my Shahadah. At that moment, nervousness gripped me, and I hesitated. Our conversation continued, and he probed further, asking me what was holding me back from embracing Islam. I shared some of my apprehensions, one of which was – the fear of never being able to enjoy my mother’s cooking again.

He then asked if my mother prepared pork dishes for me, to which I responded with a “no.” His reassuring words brought relief; he assured me that I could continue to relish my mother’s meals even after converting. Furthermore, he emphasized that even for those born into Islam, the learning journey is never-ending, and no one can claim to have absorbed 100% of what they need to know. Shortly thereafter, he posed the question for the second time: “Would you like to take your Shahadah.?” This time, without hesitation, I replied with a resounding “Yes!” and took my Shahadah. privately with him near the stage.

ašhadu ʾan lā ʾilāha ʾillā -llāhu, wa-ʾašhadu ʾanna Muḥammadan rasūlu -llāh

“I testify that there is none worthy of worship but Allah, and I testify that Muhammad is the Messenger of Allah.”

When it was over, he asked permission to share it with the other participants and I agreed. I was still in shock at what I have just done. After he announced, as he had warned me, the sisters took turns to come forward to hug and congratulate me. I have never been hugged by so many people in my life before! I was crying uncontrollably during this time. When Sister Mairi heard from one of the participants that I had embraced Islam, she was shocked but was happy for me. There was no turning back after this. I called my partner and told him about my conversion. Needless to say, he was in shock too. Although he knew that I was attending classes, the news was very sudden for him but was very happy that Allah ﷻ has finally answered his prayers. He had been praying Tahajjud (extra prayers done in the middle of the night) for this day. We held our Nikah (Muslim marriage) shortly after my conversion, Alhamdulillah. My journey to Islam has been a beautiful miracle with me meeting different people who played unique roles in guiding me to embrace Islam. I know deep in my heart that none of the people and the events that took place are coincidences. I felt that Allah ﷻ has planned my journey of discovering Him so beautifully to lead me back to Him.

وَإِذْ يَمْكُرُ بِكَ ٱلَّذِينَ كَفَرُوا۟ لِيُثْبِتُوكَ أَوْ يَقْتُلُوكَ أَوْ يُخْرِجُوكَ ۚ وَيَمْكُرُونَ وَيَمْكُرُ ٱللَّهُ ۖ وَٱللَّهُ خَيْرُ ٱلْمَـٰكِرِينَ 

And ˹remember, O  Prophet,˺ when the disbelievers conspired to capture, kill, or exile you. They planned, but Allah also planned. And Allah is the best of planners.

Quran 8:30

I am glad that I made the small steps to learn more about Him. With each class that I attend and person that I speak to about Islam, He leads me closer to Him. “Allah says, ‘Take one step towards Me, I will take ten steps towards you. Walk towards Me, I will run towards you.’” (Hadith Qudsi)

As I look back in my journey to Islam, I am reminded of one of my favourite quotes that someone shared in a group chat I was in.

“Billions of souls in the darkness, yet Allah chose yours to be guided by His mercy.”

Reading this quote fills my heart with a profound sense of warmth, serving as a constant reminder of the importance of expressing gratitude to Allah for His guidance that has led me to His divine light. I pray that I can continue to share the knowledge and experiences I’ve gained on my journey, with the hope that, in sha Allah, more individuals may find their own incredible path back to Him through His guidance. Ameen

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