By Apple Sim (Nur Aaila Ayesha)

Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh , May the peace and blessings of our Lord be upon you…

My name is Nur Aaila Ayesha Sim, born Apple Sim. Alhamdulillah, I took my Shahadah on 11 August 2023 during Ustaz Sameer’s New Muslims Circle. I never found my journey towards Islam particularly interesting but I hope that someone may find my journey helpful in their pursuit to find the true religion.

I WAS BORN INTO A BUDDHIST-TAOIST FAMILY AND BLINDLY IMITATED MY PARENTS TO DIFFERENT TEMPLES TO PRAY DURING VARIOUS RELIGIOUS OCCASIONS. MANY TIMES, I WOULD CURIOUSLY QUESTION MY PARENTS ABOUT THE REAL MEANING BEHIND THE TEMPLE VISITATIONS & THE PURPOSE OF THE DIFFERENT DEITIES.

But there weren’t any real answers to my questions. Eventually as we grew older with the busy demands of life, we weren’t religiously adhering to temple visitations and prayers eventually.

In 2006, a friend invited me to church. Initially, it provided me some peace and a sense of belonging through a cell group that looked after one another and it became a place that I could take solace from the troubles that I was facing. But the church culture became pressurizing and as a young adult, I felt uncomfortable after a while. Thus I left the church 2 years later but returned again in 2011 through the invite of a schoolmate. Though I frequented the church, I found myself just going through the motions. Apart from the cell group meetings which occurred every Friday and church service every Sunday, I didn’t develop any religious routine in my daily life. I was technically a weekend Christian. And due to growing commitments, I eventually left the church again. Thinking back, there wasn’t any connection and deep conviction.

My introduction to Islam began some time in Dec 2015 when I met my ex-partner while working part time at Starbucks. He was prompt to inform me that I would be required to convert to Islam if we were taking the relationship towards marriage. I wasn’t surprised as Christians too practiced that. I did not make any decision at that point of time as I didn’t know if the relationship would last or the “repercussions” of converting to Islam. Over the years, I had many thoughts about this matter. Dietary restrictions like forgoing pork wasn’t really an issue for me but there were so many other things to consider: My parents were not agreeable to our relationship. How was I supposed to break the news to them that I must convert to Islam for marriage? How am I supposed to manage my dietary restrictions while still living with my parents and eating home cooked food? I may lose my circle of friends because I can no longer go out for meals with them. These were some of the procrastinating doubts I harbored.

Nonetheless, my ex-partner would often bring up the topic about Islam and we will engage in a discussion. Sometimes I would get annoyed by his persistence (may Allah forgive me) and he would bluntly remind me that not considering Islam would mean the end of the relationship. Yet at the same time reminding me that my conversion should be out of my own accord and not just for marriage.

In my heart, I knew without a doubt that there was God. I wasn’t a staunch Christian & I didn’t read the bible every day. But I knew that there is Only One God and He is our Lord & that we are His servants. Yet time and time again, my inner voice would bring up the same doubts to create uncertainty in my heart. We kept delaying my conversion and thus the marriage. This went on for a long time until we decided to convert just before our marriage so that we can avoid unwanted questions from my parents and friends. On an interesting note, I would always attend my ex-partner’s family kenduri or Tahlil sessions. Even though I did not understand the meaning of the event, and what they were reciting, a particular phrase stuck with me. I often found myself reciting it whenever I was alone. I tried to google about that phrase but I couldn’t comprehend it. Yet it didn’t stop me from reciting it and I continued to do so.

Later on I realised that phrase was the kalima tawhid “La ilaha illallah”, which translates to “There is none worthy of worship except Allah”. It was when we started attending classes, did I slowly understand about the kalima tawhid. Thinking back, this was a clear sign from Allah s.w.t of His Guidance:

“You surely cannot guide whoever you like ˹O Prophet˺, but it is Allah Who guides whoever He wills, and He knows best who are ˹fit to be˺ guided.”
Quran Surah 28:56

We attend the basic conversion classes at Darul Arqam / MCAS. However, it was a struggle for me as I could not understand Arabic and I could not comprehend some of the topics discussed. But Alhamdulillah he kept encouraging me and would remind me learn gradually. However, there wasn’t a teacher to hold our hands and walk through these struggles. At Darul Arqam, one of the pre-requisite conversion classes was Let’s Pray 1. In 2022, we decided to attend the class together even though he already knew the foundations of prayer and it was in this class that he met Ustaz Sameer. Alhamdulillah, after our engagement we thought it would be a good idea to speak to Ustaz Sameer to understand the process of marriage and the complexities of a convert marriage. It took us some time to arrange for a meet up but indeed Allah s.w.t works in mysterious way.

Ustaz Sameer invited us to meet him at Masjid Abdul Gafoor. While not knowing what to expect, we turned up and attended the New Muslim Circle class. After the class, we had a discussion over tea and we felt that the class was beneficial for both of us. At that time, we still kept to our initial plan of only converting just before the marriage. But Allah s.w.t knows best and is the best planner.

Ustaz Sameer encouraged me to take my Shahadah and I declared my Shahadah and took on my Islamic identity on 11 August 2023. May Allah bless him.

أَشْهَدُ أَنْ لَا إِلَٰهَ إِلَّا ٱللَّٰهُ وَأَشْهَدُ أَنَّ مُحَمَّدًا رَسُولُ ٱللَّٰهِ

ašhadu ʾan lā ʾilāha ʾillā -llāhu, wa-ʾašhadu ʾanna Muḥammadan rasūlu -llāh

“I testify that there is none worthy of worship but Allah, and I testify that Muhammad is the Messenger of Allah.”

I just needed the small nudge on the back to clear all the doubts of “I don’t know”, “I’m just waiting for the right time”…. as there may never be a ‘perfect’ time:

Allah says in a Hadith Qudsi:

“I am just as My slave thinks I am, (i.e. I am able to do for him what he thinks I can do for him) and I am with him if He remembers Me. If he remembers Me in himself, I too, remember him in Myself; and if he remembers Me in a group of people, I remember him in a group that is better than they; and if he comes one span nearer to Me, I go one cubit nearer to him; and if he comes one cubit nearer to Me, I go a distance of two outstretched arms nearer to him; and if he comes to Me walking, I go to him running.’
Sahih al-Bukhari

As the above hadith stated, all we needed to do was to reach out to Allah s.w.t. He would come to us with an outpour of love and blessings. That small little nudge from Ustaz, has brought me an abundance of beneficial knowledge, new opportunities, and new friends to share my happiness and sorrows with. Alhamdulillah, I may be the only Muslim among my work colleagues but they have been very accommodating to my religious and dietary preferences while planning events. Alhamdulillah, I even had the opportunity to perform my 1st Umrah just a few months after my conversion.

Truly Allah s.w.t would ease our burdens whenever we turn to Him for help. Thinking back, I wondered why I even worried so much. Dear brothers & sisters who are exploring Islam and having doubts in your decision process, we invite you to our circles of knowledge where we can have a discussion with our teachers and our fellow brothers & sisters InshaAllah. May Allah s.w.t grant you hidayah (guidance), wisdom and knowledge to find & attain Him, Insha’Allah (if God wills). Ameen