By Syazana Abdul Malik

It’s 3:48AM as I’m typing this, sitting by the bedside of my paternal grandfather who was admitted into the hospital for a UTI infection which results in him having hallucinations when he is awake.

As I observed how feeble he is and how he is losing his ability to comprehend his surroundings within a span of a few days, it is a sobering reminder of how dependent we are on our Creator. Yet, we forget what He gives.

The way He gives is something that I will never be able to comprehend with my limited intellect.

Allah ﷻ granted me with the gift of guidance after my maternal grandfather passed in September 2022. After the burial, we held a tahlil (prayers) session and the Ustaz who led the prayers handed me a pamphlet asking if I was interested to go to umrah as he was bringing a few congregants the following year.

I vividly remembered my reply, “I am not ready” but in my heart, there was a passing thought that whispered “What does it feel like to visit the holy lands?”

Little did I know that the whisper was a du’a that Allah ﷻ answered and Alhamdulillah for the ni’mah to be invited to His home twice in the past two years.

I spent my formative years growing up going through one existential crisis after another, struggling to understand what my purpose in life was. I always carried this gnawing feeling of extreme yearning and longing but for what exactly? I never knew.

Before losing my maternal grandfather, religion was barely present in my life. I was barely practicing and would only come back to Islam when I felt like it. Hence, when the opportunity to go for umrah came in September 2023 a year after my grandfather’s passing, it felt like an invitation from Allah ﷻ but at the same time, I was ridden with guilt and shame knowing that I was nowhere deserving of stepping foot on such holy lands.

I shared this thought with Ustaz Sameer after class, expressing that I felt unworthy of going for umrah. Until today, I recalled his reply “All the more reasons you should go. You will never be ready and we will always be sinners but our Lord is always ready to forgive” and I felt this was a direct answer that Allah ﷻ gave through him.

When we arrived in Madinah welcomed by the azan for Fajr prayers, tears streamed down my face when reality struck that we were stepping foot on the same lands where our beloved Habib ﷺ was laid to rest.

وَمَآ أَرْسَلْنَـٰكَ إِلَّا رَحْمَةًۭ لِّلْعَـٰلَمِينَ

“We have sent you ˹O Prophet˺ only as a mercy for the whole world.“
Quran (21:107)

If this was how it felt like to be in the lands where our Prophet Muhammad ﷺ walked on, I cannot even imagine how it would feel to be given the opportunity to reunite with him in Hereafter and I pray Allah ﷻ grants all of us with the opportunity.

حَدَّثَنَا عَبْدُ اللَّهِ بْنُ مُحَمَّدٍ، حَدَّثَنَا وَهْبُ بْنُ جَرِيرٍ، حَدَّثَنَا أَبِي، سَمِعْتُ يُونُسَ، عَنِ ابْنِ شِهَابٍ، عَنْ أَنَسٍ ـ رضى الله عنه ـ عَنِ النَّبِيِّ صلى الله عليه وسلم قَالَ ‏ “‏ اللَّهُمَّ اجْعَلْ بِالْمَدِينَةِ ضِعْفَىْ مَا جَعَلْتَ بِمَكَّةَ مِنَ الْبَرَكَةِ ‏”‏‏.‏ تَابَعَهُ عُثْمَانُ بْنُ عُمَرَ عَنْ يُونُسَ‏.‏

Narrated Anas: The Prophet (ﷺ) said,

“O Allah! Bestow on Medina twice the blessings You bestowed on Mecca.”
Sahih al-Bukhari 1885

As we approached the blessed green dome with our teacher, he guided us to say “As Salaatu Wassalaamu Alayka Ya Rasulullah” – “Blessings and peace be upon you O Rasulullah ﷺ and I realized how blessed we are to have been chosen by Allah ﷻ to be able to visit such a blessed place together with our teachers who has a chain of narration that links us back to the greatest man ﷺ to walk this Earth, resting right in the heart of the beautiful city of Madinah.

Our teachers reminded us that Madinah holds such great virtue to this day because of the tears, blood, and sweat that Rasulullah ﷺ endured there.

The turmoil of my adolescent years, that deep existential unrest, was soothed the moment I set foot in Madinah, where a profound sense of peace gently embraced me, as if the very land itself whispered answers to my soul.

As we recited the salawat upon leaving Madinah, my eyes welled with tears, my heart heavy as the distance from the blessed green dome grew. In that sacred moment, with a soul full of longing, I prayed to Allah ﷻ for the honour to visit our beloved Prophet Muhammad ﷺ each year, with our teachers. Our teacher reminded us, ‘Though far in body, you are always near to him in spirit.'”

Arriving in Mecca, we were surrounded by an ocean of people, united in purpose yet each on their own sacred journey. As we circumambulate the Ka’bah with thousands, a deep sense of unity and peace embraced me. With each step, my conviction grew, and I realized this was the belonging I had always sought—a home beyond the physical.

The longer I walked, the clearer the truth became—Islam is the ultimate truth. With each step, my conviction deepened, strengthened by the legacy of Prophet Ibrahim AS and his son, Prophet Ismail AS, who laid the foundations of the Ka’bah, standing timeless to this day.

As I ascended and descended Safa and Marwah, my legs aching with each step, I tried to imagine the boundless trust of Hajar AS, her heart full of desperation and faith as she ran between the two hills.

Alone in the desert, with no sustenance and no one to turn to, she placed her complete trust in Allah’s mercy, seeking water for her infant son, Prophet Ismail AS. Her unwavering faith and determination echoed in every step she took, a legacy we honor until today, and I felt her spirit with me in every movement as I walked in her blessed footsteps.

فَقالَتْ: يا إبْرَاهِيمُ، أَيْنَ تَذْهَبُ وتَتْرُكُنَا بهذا الوَادِي الَّذي ليسَ فيه إنْسٌ ولَا شَيءٌ؟ فَقالَتْ له ذلكَ مِرَارًا، وجَعَلَ لا يَلْتَفِتُ إلَيْهَا، فَقالَتْ له: آللَّهُ الَّذي أَمَرَكَ بهذا؟ قالَ: نَعَمْ، قالَتْ: إذَنْ لا يُضَيِّعُنَا

“O Ibrahim. Where are you going, leaving us in this valley where there is no one nor is there anything else around (a barren land)?” She repeatedly asked (him), but he did not turn (to respond). She then asked him: “Did Allah commanded you to do so?” He said: “Yes.” She said: “Then He will not leave us (to be lost).”
Sahih al-Bukhari 3364

BEING IN THESE SACRED LANDS WAS THE FULFILLMENT OF A YEARNING I HAD SOUGHT FOR YEARS, A PEACE GRANTED ONLY BY ALLAH ﷻ THROUGH THE GUIDANCE OF OUR TEACHERS. IT WAS HERE THAT I TRULY FELT THE DEEP CONVICTION THAT ISLAM IS THE ULTIMATE TRUTH.

To witness people from every corner of the earth, each with their own story, gathered together in unity—yet, when the takbir is uttered, ‘Allahu Akbar,’ you see hearts and souls aligned as one. Shoulder to shoulder, we prostrate before our one Lord of the Worlds, humbling ourselves in unison, all begging for His boundless forgiveness, lost in the serenity of that shared devotion.

I pray that Allah ﷻ , the Most Merciful, grants everyone the blessing of visiting the sacred lands of Mecca and Medina every year, at least once in our lifetime, along with our teachers.

May He keep us guided on the straight path, fill our hearts with peace, and grant us the strength to perform this blessed journey with faith, sincerity, and good health.

Ameen.