By Rita Gupta

In one of Ustaz Sameer’s classes, a dear sister joked that she would have to buy a bucket for my tears. We laughed heartily as she handed me tissues. Another asked, “How do I make myself cry?” Her question made me recall how many times I cried during my taubah and tahajjud. I was fighting so many battles and being attacked from all sides by different people. I begged the Almighty to harden my heart and turn it into stone so I could equally fight back aggressively and not allow anyone to hurt me again.

However, He did not give me what I wanted. He gave me what I needed. He knows my anger would destroy me, so He gave me a heart to forgive. To forgive meant that I had to look beyond my pain and give mercy to the undeserving people. I simply followed the path He had dictated for me, so I embarked on this journey of forgiving.

My tears then changed. I do not cry more or less. It is just that the quality of my tears has changed. I remember the many favours of the Almighty. I am created to worship Him. So how can I not cry when He blessed me with so much? I recite Al-Fatiha in my salah, completely affirming my lord, how can I not cry?  He wiped my tears in the depths of the nights, answered my du’a so fast and easily and eased things for me. How can I not cry?

He gave scars to me and my son, to remind us that He was the one who granted us life, how can I not cry?  He gave me trials, but He never left me alone. How can I not cry?

Safa and Marwah, the two small hills in Mecca, hold profound spiritual significance. Hajar tirelessly ran between the hills searching for water for her son, Ismail. As I followed in her footsteps during umrah, tears welled up in my eyes as I realised that my Beloved Lord had given me a similar test – a test of survival for my son and me. He was teaching me to persevere in difficult times. He was teaching me to have faith in His plans. He was
teaching me to make the effort if I wanted solutions. He strengthened my devotion to my child, and the sacrifices a mother makes for her child will be rewarded in due time.

HOW CAN I NOT CRY?

My tears are tears of gratitude and acknowledgement that He never left me alone and always responded to me. The tears of His immense Love for me. Just the mere thought of all the blessings He bestowed upon me makes me weep copious tears. This particular journey of growth is painful but necessary. My tears are not a sign of my weakness; they are my strength because it is in these tears that my du’as are answered.

Do You Believe in One God
& Ready to [Re]start your Journey of Faith & Gratitude as a Muslim?