By Naqiyah Ahmad

“The Sinful Ummah and The Ever-Forgiving Rabb.”

I’m madly in Love with Him.

Al-Wadood.

The Most Loving. One of His many names.

The heart is a mysterious subject. Each person has only one of them. I find that the closer I try to get to Him, the more struggles there are in dunya. Where my love for Him is truly tested.

But I’m sick. My soul and heart is sick. And so I failed to love Him as I should. With my one and only heart, I gave it away in times of struggle. What did that ever do for me?

Nothing.

In fact, it destroys me further, and I get reminded yet again—that I only have one heart. This heart belongs to the only One—Allah. In my times of weakness, I let the world take a piece of my heart. I gave it to fleeting comforts, to people, to moments that promised relief but only left me longing for more. And when the dust settles, I see the cracks in my heart—the emptiness where only His Love should reside. I falter, I fail, but His mercy is greater. Even when my heart wanders, He guides it back. Even when I stray, He calls me home. And so I return to Him, my heart humbled, remembering that it was never truly mine to give away. It belongs to Him alone, and in that truth, I find my peace.

“Ash-HaduAllah Illaha Illallah, wa Ash-haduanna MuhammadurRasulullah.”

Words that have been said since infancy, yet, I never truly understood them. I never truly loved those words, my Rabb or my Prophet SAW –

THERE IS NO FAITH WITHOUT LOVE. SO HOW COULD I HAVE CALLED MYSELF A LOVER OF MY RABB, WHEN I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHAT I’M SAYING.

Allah guided me and loved me in ways I couldn’t have imagined. When I arrived in Makkah and Madinah, I was surrounded by the overwhelming beauty of our shared faith and the collective prayers of millions of Muslims. But amidst all of this, I realized that Allah had sent me something even greater—a family, a community that I had not known before but whose bond felt divinely ordained. But this wasn’t just any family; this was a family ordained by Him. When I reflect on how they came into my life, it feels as though they were sent as an answer to a prayer I didn’t even know I was making.

The warmth of their love, their support, the way they opened their arms to me—it’s as if Allah Himself was wrapping me in His mercy through them. These were the people I needed, the ones who reminded me that Allah’s plan for us is always better than anything we could have imagined on our own, they became a source of strength for me during my Umrah journey. In that family, was a man who embodied the true essence of what it means to serve Allah and His creation, teaching me that the path to Allah is not just about rituals, but about living with sincerity, humility, and compassion—a beacon of clarity amidst the overwhelming sea of emotions, doubts, and struggles that accompany a journey like Umrah.

“See for yourself”, the man said, witnessing our surroundings to see that all the stories of our Nabi come to life in these places, and to witness that our connection with our Rabb was never disconnected. Our own thoughts itself is a conversation between us and our Rabb. I wanted to “see” my Rabb. I wanted to “see” my Nabi.

As I walked around Madinah and Makkah, I thought to myself, “Right here, in this spot, the Prophet may have stood here before.”

How unreal that feeling was. All my anger that I carried my whole life, went away. I was finally at peace. Like a child looking for her father, in the crowd, I found the man, my teacher, who in turn, reminded me of one of the greatest being; Rasulullah SAW. Watching my teacher practice the sunnahs of the Prophet, it truly connects you to him SAW, I saw them come to life. I was desperately desiring that connection, I followed every action, including each footstep taken. I wanted to mirror every action, hoping that in doing so, a small piece of his light would fill my heart.

I asked, “Did you expect to have a group of students you keep close to you when you started the classes?” “No, I’m only serving.” He answered and smiled. I wondered to myself then, will the Prophet SAW smile at me the way my teacher smiled at me?

In the stillness of the night, when everyone was asleep, eating, shopping, praying, I was with my teacher. It was in those quiet moments, when the world seemed to pause, that I felt something deeper than words could express. It felt as though Madinah itself was bearing witness to my bayat—my pledge—done in its sacred presence. This was far greater than love. My heart is only for my Rabb.

It was just the beginning of a lifelong journey of understanding Him, pursuing Him, and seeking Him. Though I fear my life will not be enough, but for the love of Him, I will die trying.

“When He wants to guide us, He will guide us to teachers and let Him take over the steering wheel and enjoy the scenery He shows to us”
Ustadz Mohamed Sameer Zuhoori, My Teacher