By Nur Hazlinda

Oh my beloved Nabi 

بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمٰنِ الرَّحِيم

اللهم صلِّ على سيدنا محمدٍ ﷺ.

O Allah, thank You for calling me again and again to the sacred lands;  for allowing my feet to stand in the blessed city of Your Prophet ﷺ.

Ya Rasulullah, these past days my heart has been sitting with thoughts of you. My teacher often says he misses you and yearns for you, and when my sisters first laid eyes on the Green Dome, the place where your noble body rests,  their hearts broke open in tears.

I love you, because without you, Islam would never have reached me. Without you, I might have lived lost, chasing the dunya, unaware of who my Lord truly is.

I love you, because everything I hold dear in Islam today came from your sacrifices, and the sacrifices of your family, and your faithful companions. Yet sometimes I fear my love is only on my tongue. that my heart lags behind those around me. And in that fear, I feel like a hypocrite.

Ya Rasulullah, how do I nurture a love for you that surpasses all else in this world? How do I cleanse my heart and fill it with longing for you, with sincerity, with tenderness, with truth? How do I grow into even a fraction of the human being you were?

I am selfish, yet you were the most selfless—

your heart echoing “ummati, ummati”, for a community you had not yet met. I am impatient, yet your patience was radiant, even when you faced tragedies that would break another person’s soul. I judge quickly, while you always assumed the best.

Forgive me, O Messenger of Allah, for I have not lived Islam in the way you taught it. For failing to carry even a small portion of the weight you carried, for not striving enough to honor your message.

By Allah’s permission, I pray that I will learn to love you more deeply, more truthfully. And though I am a sinner, I ask Allah to allow me a share of the love you hold for your ummah. There are countless believers who send more selawat than I do, who embody your teachings far better than I can claim, but I promise to try, to grow, to become better.

And if Allahﷻ invites me again next year, I hope to return as a transformed person, someone with deeds worth presenting, with a heart that beats with love and yearning, and with a soul drawn ever closer to you.

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