By Naqiyah Ahmad

Death is the epitome of His Mercy. To my dear nephew, the boy that could have been, we didn’t have a chance to meet in dunya.

Even when you arrived, all you could meet was your mother and father, but you didn’t have much time. You left us while you were in your father’s arms. And even when I saw you, you were still so pure. No colour, no sin. As I kissed you, I wondered if your scent was from the Garden of Bliss. When I held you I thought,

“HOW COULD SOMETHING THAT COULD BE SO FULL OF LIFE BE SO LIFELESS? HOW COULD SOMEONE LIKE YOU BE SO TINY YET SO BEAUTIFUL?”

As we bathed you and my mother said, “Let him see his aunt and uncle one last time”, yet, it was the only time we could meet. It’s a funny feeling, how could I be so heartbroken by something I never even had? It was Allah’s decree that he couldn’t be ours, then again, ironically, nothing belonged to us in the first place. Who are we to defy Him? Who are we to deny Him?

My brother came to the hospital hoping to find out more about you, oh how excited he was. Instead, he came to find news that Allah wants you back Home, He didn’t let you set a single foot on this world. And it was only through your Return that we learned of your gender. A part of me always knew you were going to be a boy. And it was also through your Return that we discovered your name, a perfect name chosen by the perfect Creator. I learnt of Surah Luqman when I met you, I wondered if this was His way of reminding me of my purpose in life. Even in our lowest, even at our worst, He came to rescue us with His Love and Mercy. How did I deserve this when I’ve never reacted the way we should have at your decisions?

لِلَّهِ مَا فِى ٱلسَّمَـٰوَٰتِ وَٱلْأَرْضِ ۚ إِنَّ ٱللَّهَ هُوَ ٱلْغَنِىُّ ٱلْحَمِيدُ (٢٦)

“To Allah belongs whatever is in the heavens and the earth. Allah is truly the Self-Sufficient, Praiseworthy.”

Quran 31:26

I had only seen my brother deep in sorrow twice in my life, and I will never forget his face when he buried you. His Mercy is greater than His Wrath, everything that He has given us are nothing but endless blessings, even this pain, so please forgive us, my Love. Please forgive us for our anger, our ungratefulness, our denial at your commands, please help us, ya Allah, please help us heal, please help us to be closer to you even in our sorrows, please let us meet again in the Eternal life.

Dear Nephew, you are already up there with Him, aren’t you? Let’s meet properly in Jannah, insha Allah. When my time comes, please ask for me, please ask for your parents, please ask for your grandparents, please ask for us. Ya Allah, please let us meet.

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