By Kabeerah Ali

سَلَـٰمٌۭ قَوْلًۭا مِّن رَّبٍّۢ رَّحِيمٍ

And “Peace!” will be ˹their˺ greeting from the Merciful Lord.

These were the first words of the Quran that I was drawn to at the age of 5. I remember the somber atmosphere, sitting in the room at my aunties house with tear filled faces surrounding me, my grandfather had passed away.

For the next forty days, Surah Yasin would be recited regularly. I was too young to understand the gravity and weight of the situation and this beautiful surah or why it was being recited but over those forty days, I found my favourite ayah in the Quran.

My heart was drawn to this verse and everytime surah Yasin was being recited, this verse was what I looked forward to reciting the most.

Perhaps it was because it was short, simple enough that a five year old girl could memorise but deep down in my heart, this verse brought me a sense of comfort even before I could unravel its true, divine comprehension. This became my first memory with the Quran.

At the age of 6, I was sent to attend Quran reading classes from an ustazah that lived a few blocks away from me at her home.

This was where I started to learn my Iqra books and begin my journey in attending these “mengaji classes” However, once I completed the Iqra books, I stopped attending the mengaji classes.

By the time I was 8 years old, I received my first Quran from my cousin in Indonesia. My reading however was still not fluent and I would make many mistakes while reading. Out of fear and frustration, my relationship with the Quran weakened.

I was then enrolled into the a Live weekend madrasah classes from the age
of 9 to 18.

My weekend madrasah classes were divided into two parts. The
first was learning more towards the fiqh, about the prophets and major Islamic moments in history.

The second was AQL class where we learnt about the Tajweed rulings and putting it into practice. I was usually confident for the first parts of the lesson but it would turn into a nauseating, nervewrecking feeling when it was time to read the Quran.

Coupled with my lack of knowledge, I developed anxiety when it came to reading the Quran especially in front of other people. At times, my voice would barely be audible and I would try to hide myself at the back of the class praying I would not be called.

This anxiety only grew more as I grew older. I would just tell myself that I just was not good at it. When Saturday Quran Circle started, I found myself hesitant to start immediately, out of fear and due to work commitments. I would practice reading the Quran on my own but I had no guide.

I would remember Ustaz encouraging us to start attending Saturday Circles.

WE ONLY HAD ONE LIFE AND WE ARE NOT GUARANTEED ANOTHER DAY SO WHEN ARE WE GOING TO START GETTING CONNECTED BACK TO THE QURAN.

Eventually I knew that I cannot keep letting my fear and anxiety overcome me. I had to take the first step especially in wanting to get closer to Allah and in seeking knowledge.

I decided to try to attend the Saturday Quran Circle during the September retreat. It was an eye opening experience as I realised that I have been missing out on so much with regards to our holy book.

Unlike other Quran classes, here, we were assigned mentors to guide us one to one. I felt comfort and relief to be guided by familiar faces that were patient and understanding.

However I still found my pulse racing nervewreckingly before the start of class. It was not an easy task to overcome and at times I did feel overwhelmed with a familiar ache and heaviness.

Despite that, each time I listened to the recitation of the Quran, my heart began to feel at ease, comforted and whole, almost like Allah S.W.T was right there comforting and making it easy for me which He was.

At the end of each class, I found myself craving, yearning and wanting to keep myself connected to the Quran. I do find myself slowly gaining back my confidence when I recite the Quran and also wanting to unravel the beauty of this Holy scripture.

What is even more beautiful is the generosity of my Lord that witnesses and understands the struggle. In a hadith narrated by Sahih Muslim, “ He who finds it hard ( to recite the Quran ) will have double the reward “

Allah S.W.T has is truly the Al-Wadud where even in the struggle of reciting, he rewards us for our strive. What more can I ask for? A few lessons after, I was gifted my Quran from my teacher.

When I held that Quran in my hands, tears welled up in my eyes. For a very long time I deemed myself as not good or worthy enough but Allah S.W.T saw more in me then I could ever see in myself.

The fact that I was given another day to see the world is Him showing me that I have the potential to do more in the path to getting to know Him.

May Allah S.W.T ease for us the journey in getting closer to Him and reward us for our strive Ameen…

Do You Believe in One God
& Ready to [Re]start your Journey of Faith & Gratitude as a Muslim?