By Adil Koh

For as long as I could remember, The Quran was the first love I had, when it came to my connection with Allah.

In primary 5, my parents had forced me and my brother to always pray together during Maghrib and my mother without fail, read Surah Al Fatihah as part of the remembrance and supplications to Allah after prayers.

She will always read the English translation of the surah so that me and my brother could understand what Allah wanted to tell us. It felt more routine than connection at times till you hit rock bottom.

Primary 5 and 6 was a very tough period with exams and the weight of the world on you for PSLE which most of the time determined where you were going and the mindset you were going to have for the next 4-5 years of your life.

Something switched when I wasn’t doing well in exams leading up to PSLE, empty with no hope or purpose, till I randomly walked to my parents room and picked up the Quran.

With my parents both working and nothing to do at home, I read 1 page everyday during my school holidays, trying to understand what Allah was saying even if I didn’t understand some parts. I felt tranquility, solace, connected to someone but I just didn’t see that somebody.

That was Allah.

As the years went by in Secondary school I managed to read the entire English Translation of the Quran, pray and did the necessary as a Muslim but nothing that was giving me to push to reach the highest level of connection with Allah, very often I question the meaning of life, purpose, why was I made?

What was the purpose of living?

With these questions in mind only more stress came in life with studies, career and relationships. With the weight of the world on you, I often prayed solat Istikharah for guidance.

After every solat istikharah, I asked Allah for guidance by opening a random page in the Quran and this particular surah came out always. Surah Maryam.

IT WAS AS IF ALLAH HIMSELF WAS PLACING THIS SURAH INTO MY HANDS, AGAIN AND AGAIN, UNTIL HIS MESSAGE FINALLY REACHED MY HEART. AND WHEN I FINALLY SAT DOWN TO READ SURAH MARYAM — TRULY READ IT, NOT WITH MY EYES BUT WITH MY SOUL — SOMETHING INSIDE ME SHIFTED.

They were a mirror. A reflection. A reminder that the struggles within me were struggles that the greatest people before me also faced — and that Allah had never abandoned them.

When I read about Prophet Zakariya (a.s.), whispering to Allah in the quiet of the night, I saw myself in him. Prophet Zakariya (a.s) was old, weak, and felt like life had passed him by — yet he still whispered to Allah with sincerity. I felt that. Because even in my stress, my disappointment, and the pressure from school, life, and future, my heart kept whispering too.

Prophet Zakariya’s Whisper in the Night

(Surah Maryam 19:4) He said, “My Lord, indeed my bones have weakened, and my head has filled with white, and never have I been in my supplication to You, my Lord, unhappy. (Surah Maryam 19:5)

And indeed, I fear the successors after me, and my wife has been barren, so give me from Yourself an heir

(Surah Maryam 19:6) Who will inherit me and inherit from the family of Jacob. And make him, my Lord, pleasing [to You].”

(Surah Maryam 19:7) [He was told], “O Zechariah, indeed We give you good tidings of a boy whose name will be John. We have not assigned to any before [this] name.

(Surah Maryam 19:8) He said, “My Lord, how will I have a boy when my wife has been barren and I have reached extreme old age?”

(Surah Maryam 19:9) [An angel] said, “Thus [it will be]; your Lord says, ‘It is easy for Me, for I created you before, while you were nothing.’ “

The Surah then continued with Maryam (a.s.)

(Surah Maryam verse 16-36) who grew up inpurity under Allah’s protection. She worshipped Him sincerely, seeking no one’s approval but His.

The angel Jibril (a.s.) appeared and gave her the message that she would conceive a son—without a father. Her heart trembled. Not out of rejection, but out of fear of what people would say, how they would judge, how she would bear the weight of this miracle.

(Surah Maryam 19:20) She said, “How can I have a boy while no man has touched me and I have not been unchaste?”

(Surah Maryam 19:21) He said, “Thus [it will be]; your Lord says, ‘It is easy for Me, and We will make him a sign to the people and a mercy from Us. And it is a matter [already] decreed.’ “

So when this Surah kept on appearing, I understood that Allah reassured Prophet Zakariah (A.S) and Maryam (A.S) that their hearts were at ease. As for the reader in today’s context, it was as if Allah reassured you twice that it will be easy for Allah to change anything despite what you are going through.

It felt that Allah was talking to me to not give up and lose hope but to remember that he is with you It took me years to understand, but now I see why He sent this Surah to me over and over again.

It was His way of reminding me that despite feeling lost, despite questioning my purpose, despite the weight I carried quietly, he only wanted us to trust him and he taught us patience and resilience.

And today, as I reflect on Surah Maryam once more, I understand that my journey — from a confused child reading one page a day, to a teenager searching for meaning, to an adult trying to make sense of life — was never alone.

Thank you, Allah. Alhamdullilah