By Naqiyah Ahmad  

It’s that time of the year till we meet again. A longtime friend, an old mysterious friend. While you were away, it seems I’ve lost myself again. And just as I was about to be completely destroyed, you came to visit. Help me heal my broken heart, dear friend. Help me recover my soul, Oh Ramadhan!

Once again, my Love granted me gifts when I needed them most. At my lowest, He allowed me to enter Ramadhan with friends I never expected to have. That first night, I suddenly thought to myself…is this a preview? On that Day, will we meet again and enter Jannah together and meet Him? I wasn’t alone for the first time, no form of influence that led me to relapse whatsoever, it was just me, my brothers and sisters, and Him, my Love.

THIS MONTH IS FILLED WITH HIS SPECIAL GENEROSITY. I CAN NEVER COMPREHEND HOW HE COULD STILL GIVE ME A CHANCE TO PURSUE HIM, TO FORGIVE ME FOR ALL MY WRONGDOINGS, TO SENT DOWN LITTLE BUNDLES OF JOY WHEN ALL I’VE DONE WAS DISAPPOINT HIM.

I never knew the words to say to Him, it can never come out of my mouth, and still He guided me into the arms of one of the most loving community I’ve ever met. I always felt lonely but this time, there was only love and comfort. Everything that He does is always for the best of us, and I have nothing but remorse for all the times I’ve screwed up. Being His servant is the greatest blessing, and I have nothing but the deepest gratitude.

A recent death of a loved one showed me more of His Mercy. To die on a Friday, in this Holy month, just as he was about to perform his wudhu. I can only pray that I meet such a good end too. Odd isn’t it, how my first response to the news was “Alhamdulillah” before reciting “Innalillah”… It took sometime for me to let it sink in. How we spent our time trying to be more mindful of Him, practising more sunnah and ibadah, this is how we should be for the rest of our lives isn’t it? How could I have delayed all these practises when reciting each of His verses felt like warm hugs and praying to Him granted me the peace I’ve been looking for? Then maybe that way, I will meet a beautiful end too.

So until then, I will keep trying, I will keep striving, so that I may see Him, my Love.

It’s almost time for you to go isn’t it? Will it be easier or harder now? I don’t know. But I’ve recovered myself well while you were here. With His help and Mercy, I’ll try to take care of myself and my Iman again. I don’t want you to see me so broken again. The next time we meet, I want to be in a state better than today, inshaAllah. It’s been a fruitful month, May Allah ﷻ accept our duas and prayers and welcome us into Jannah together.

Till we meet again, dear Ramadhan.

Do You Believe in One God
& Ready to [Re]start your Journey of Faith & Gratitude as a Muslim?