By Neha Singh

I thank Allah ﷻ every day for the gift of Hidayah and the immense blessings showered upon me. Alhamdulillah, I have been presented with the opportunity to take my shahada in class, witnessed by some of my dearest friends and people whom I feel safe with. This is not the first time I declared the shahada, I have done it privately, but saying it last lesson hit the spot in my heart that I didn’t know I was still hurting from.

Solat is a gift to lift our sorrows and worries. 

Alhamdulillah, Allah ﷻ has made it easy for me to know and plan my day around my solat and not my solat around my day. This has really helped me with banking in my prayers on time without rushing. Praying has really been my solace in this dunya, but I was tested through my solat recently. 

History: Convert, only sisters and mother knows. Tolerated not supported. Alhamdulillah. 

The week prior was busy; the week of my sister’s 3-day long wedding (A.K.A + two days preparation for the family). Bachelorette, door gift setting, reception door gift, mehendi night and the list of dunya things goes on. At the back of my head, I already had a game plan of how to get my prayers in without causing disruption to the whole wedding process and burdening anyone. 

That went out the window, quickly. 

This is His Kingdom. He can do whatever He wants with it. 

I failed terribly to keep up with my prayers.

One prayer became two and a half days of missed Wajib prayers. 

It started with my sister not allowing me to pray in her home (fair enough, I respect that) and also not allowing me to leave her home to pray at the staircase because her dog barks when someone is at the door. The next thing I know, I was battling a high fever throughout the five days and added responsibilities as the sister of the bride. All I wanted to do was pray, I would be going through the day sick and busy hoping to find a glimpse of five minutes to run and pray.

Through these struggles, however, I learned five important formulas to remain connected to Him:

We need Allah ﷻ for everything (I need you, Ya Allah):

I was in desperate need of Him to help me worship Him. 

La Ilaha Illallah

I needed Him ﷻ to help me find time for me to, respectfully, leave and pray. 

I needed Him ﷻ to help me move my body, which was shivering and aching, so I could pray. 

I needed Him ﷻ to cry and release the guilt I accumulated. 

Thank Him (Thank You, Ya Allah):

After the wedding chaos subsided, my family went to bed early. I took the peace and serenity of the night to finally pray. 

I remembered thanking Him ﷻ a lot, before anything else. 

I thanked Him ﷻ for guiding my sister to her husband and for providing her with someone who truly makes her glow in her own light. 

I thanked Him ﷻ for the ease He ﷻ gave me to carry out my duties smoothly despite the high fever. 

I thanked Him ﷻ for reuniting my extended Singh family through love for my sister. 

I thanked Him ﷻ for the peace to finally pray.  

SubhanAllah.

Feeling remorse before Him ﷻ (I’m Sorry, Ya Allah):

Soon followed by tears of immense guilt for not praying a mountain of prayers, for not doing justice to Him ﷻ when He ﷻ gave me so much. 

I remember repenting and mentioning that I feel like I can never clear the debt of prayers I owe Him ﷻ. Alhamdulillah, He ﷻ made it easy for me to repay my missed prayers. So easy that I felt foolish for even thinking I could not do it. 

Love for Him ﷻ (I Love You, Ya Allah):

Ustaz Sameer once said, “When we realise how much Allah ﷻ loves us, how can we not love Him back?”

Indeed how can I not love Him ﷻ, He has given me so much. 

I missed so many prayers, He ﷻ made it easy for me to repay it back. 

I was battling a high fever. He ﷻ made it easy for me to carry out my duties.

I (unknowingly) still felt so guilty and blamed myself for letting myself slip that whole weekend. He allowed me to declare my shahada once again.

It felt like the most comforting hug and it felt like He forgives me for everything. 

Constant Remembrance of Him (Help me never to forget You, Ya Allah):

At the end of the day, we have to realize why we cannot afford to forget Him. Because we cannot do without Him. Because He is with us taking care of every minute need that we need, to critically live our lives. He attends to us without a gap in time while He is the King of the Worlds, managing the universe within us and the universe outside us. 

Yet we turn our attention away from Him while we were created to be attentive slaves to our Master. Why then shall we not embrace the honour to stand in loving gaze towards our Loving Master? And the beautiful irony is that even the assistance to turn in attentive devotion to Him has to come from Him. Because He turns His Gaze towards us first.

اللهم أعني على ذكرك، وشكرك، وحسن عبادتك

Allahumma A’inni Ala Zikrika Wa Shukrika Wa Husni Ibadatika

“O Allah, help me remember You, to be grateful to You, and to worship You in an excellent manner.”

Abu Dawud 2/86, An-Nasa’i 3/53

17 Feb 2023, 27th Rajab, Isra’ Mi’raj 1444H

The Night Journey of Prophet Muhammad ﷺ went through that established our five daily prayers. 

Uncanny that it ties in with the difficulties I faced with my five daily prayers. 

Allahu Akbar.

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