By Joyce & Janice Ee

Assalaamu Alaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakutuhu, dear brothers and sisters,

When I was first asked about my journey to Islam 7 years ago, my reply was “what journey?” because I felt like I did not exactly set out on a journey to find Islam or God. Alhamdulillah, it was Allah who guided me and my sister to Islam and it was the best decision we ever made in our lives. We did not set out on this “journey” together, but we eventually took our Shahadah at Darul Arqam on the same day. I will try my best to narrate our stories as accurately as possible as whatever I’m about to tell you happened long ago. (Note: some of the narrations may not be in chronological order)

My name is Ee Man Wah Joyce and my sister is Ee Man Ling Janice. When I was 10 years old, my sister, who is 4 years older than me brought me to church. I remembered having a bookmark with the 10 commandments, thus I understood that worshipping idols was not right. I remembered seeing my sister read the bible at night. One day, she told me that we can stop believing in Christianity. My sister did read about other religions, but she couldn’t find a religion that was compliant with science as she was a science junkie. I felt disappointed that maybe God didn’t exist at all, and for a moment, I felt scared. It meant that we were alone in this world.

We used to enjoy reading and seeing pictures of the galaxies, stars and planets, and I often wondered where all these came from. My sister told me it was caused by the Big Bang. But what caused the Big bang to happen?

Time went by and I was already 21 years old. Once I was hanging out with a group of friends, and they started talking about angels and wudu’, and they told me to read the Quran because there are things about the universe written in the Quran. And so, I got home and started searching on the internet about Islam and space. I can’t remember the exact sequence, but I also researched about what Islam is about, and about who is Allah.

Discovering Allah

When I read that Allah is the creator of the heavens and earth and everything within and that He was the God of Moses, Jesus, Abraham, Noah and many other prophets I was familiar with, I felt like this was what I was looking for. My heart was beating with excitement and I started to become very interested in Islam.

At that time, I was also dating a Muslim guy. He shared with me about the questions in the grave, the Sirat bridge and I never forgot about it. I though that perhaps I can become a Muslim and marry him and live happily ever after. However, my mum and sister were against the relationship and my mum didn’t talk to me for a month. She said if I would eventually get a divorce and nobody would want to marry me again if I became a Muslim. So I started going out with the guy secretly, until I started feeling angry with the fact that I had to lie to my mum about going out with him even though Islam teaches that we should not lie, so I parted ways with him.

But I was still interested in Islam. I attended the Knowing Islam session at Darul Arqam and received many books about Islam and I also bought the English translation of the Quran (I also informed my sister that we have a Quran at home and it’s something like the bible). I remembered reading a chapter about the creations of God and I started noticing the beauty of everything around me like the sky, the clouds, and the plants and trees. I also remembered reading the Quran on the train. It was surah Al Baqarah. I remembered reading that the disbelievers will be in the hellfire. I started to ponder if I was a believer or not. I felt like I believed in Islam, but then I was not even a Muslim and not practicing the religion at all, so was I counted as a believer? I felt fear and a heaviness in my heart and I couldn’t continue reading. It scared me too much.

The Meaning of Life

I soon forgot about Islam and I became obsessed with the material world and just wanted to earn a lot of money, and I would work a lot to achieve this goal, until I started thinking to myself about the meaning of life. Is it just to be born, go to school, work, have fun, get married and have kids and eventually die? Life felt really meaningless. Once, I chanced upon a video by the famous American boxer, Muhammad Ali. He was talking about eternity in hellfire. He asked to imagine the Sahara desert.

After a thousand years in the fire, you pick up a grain of sand. After another 1000 years, you pick up another grain of sand. Now imagine continuing this until You pick up all the sand in the desert. Now that’s eternity! After watching this, I felt very scared and started to worry about the hereafter. There’s no way I can take the pain of the hellfire. But I started telling myself not to worry and perhaps there’s no hellfire. Look, nobody around you is worried about the hellfire, they are doing well in life and they don’t think too much. And so, I forgot about Islam again.

An Invitation

When I turned 28, a friend invited me to the masjid for a class for Muslimahs. I saw many Muslim ladies wearing the hijab and they looked really beautiful in the hijab. That day was the first time I listened to a recitation of the Quran. It was very mesmerizing and touching at the same time. It was recited by Ustazah Su’aidah Salim. I could listen to it forever. She spoke to me and even gave me her number and told me to contact her when I’m ready to learn to pray. But I never contacted her. I’m not even a muslim.

The following year, another friend invited me to the masjid for a class again. This time, I heard the Ustaz say “Al fatihah”, and everyone started reciting something with their hands together. I felt envious of them that they were born Muslims. I felt like they all know God and God knows them and I’m just a nobody.

After the class, I went to google on my phone on what’s ‘Al fatihah’ and realized that it’s the first chapter of the Quran, and what caught my attention were the words “Guide us to the straight path.” That night, before sleeping I prayed to God to forgive me of my sins, to not throw me into the hellfire and to guide me to the straight path.

One day, I was chatting with a Korean friend on the phone and he said he has a question for me. He asked, “what is the meaning of life?” I was thinking to myself.. not this again… I just told him maybe it’s to achieve whatever you want in life but you must also always be kind and honest. I reassured him that he’s probably going through some quarter life crisis and that it’s normal to think this way. The next day, he called me again and said he was thinking about my answer the whole night and that he feels that’s not the right answer. I told him that I didn’t know what the right answer is.

At that period of time, I was working in a new place with 4 Muslim girls. And so, I decided to ask them this question, because I felt Muslims might know the answer. Eventually, one of them said, “For me, it’s to worship my creator, Allah.” That evening, she sent me a Islamic video about the meaning of life and I was in tears, and I suddenly felt the courage to become a Muslim. I told my sister about my decision (I can’t remember her reaction, but it was very normal and she said it means I can’t eat dim sum with them anymore, but she also started searching for scarves on the internet for me). I also asked her if she would ever become a muslim since she also believes in God. She said, “why do I have to convert to Islam to prove that I believe in God? I will bear my sins in hell.”

The Shahadah

I remembered being on Instagram and seeing a post about a Beginner’s class about Islam by Ustaz Zhulkeflee Hj Ismail. The girl who posted this was a Chinese convert (Meryem Chin), and I asked her if I could join the class. She helped me a lot with my conversion to Islam. My shahadah was very impromptu, as Meryem contacted me randomly one day to ask if I was free to take my shahadah that evening (31 October 2016). I agreed and I was brought to Al Qudwah Academy to take my shahadah with the two brother ustaz. I was so happy, it was like a dream come true. I told my friends about it and one of them said that I was being disrespectful to my mum as I didn’t even consult her about it. The next day, I decided to test the waters. I told my mum that I was still interested in Islam after all these years, and that I wanted to try practicing like a muslim.

I asked her if she would be angry about it. She said, “Are you going to leave this house?” I said, “No.” She said, “Then why would I be angry?” Then I told her that I would be attending a class to learn about Islam on Friday, and she even told me to ask my sister along. Phew. That was easy, or so I thought. Half an hour later, she started scolding me.

“Do you know that muslim men can marry four wives?!”

“Do you know that they have the highest divorce rates?!”

“Why can’t you believe in God and all the prophets and live however you want?!”

I started crying and thinking to myself, why?

Then I replied, “I want to pray like how the muslims pray.” She apologized to me and said she recalled her colleagues in the past used to be so secretive and prayed facing the wall. I shared with her about Mecca and even showed her the Qibla app. She told me that I can pray in the room in future.

Surprisingly, my sister also agreed to attend the class on Friday with me. My sister did read some Quran verses in the past online. One of them mentioned that the universe was expanding.

وَٱلسَّمَآءَ بَنَيْنَـٰهَا بِأَيْي۟دٍۢ وَإِنَّا لَمُوسِعُونَ

“We built the universe with (great) might, and We are certainly expanding (it).”
Quran 51:47

The Quran also mentioned about how the universe will roll up like a scroll.

يَوْمَ نَطْوِى ٱلسَّمَآءَ كَطَىِّ ٱلسِّجِلِّ لِلْكُتُبِ ۚ كَمَا بَدَأْنَآ أَوَّلَ خَلْقٍۢ نُّعِيدُهُۥ ۚ وَعْدًا عَلَيْنَآ ۚ إِنَّا كُنَّا فَـٰعِلِينَ

“On that Day We will roll up the heavens like a scroll of writings. Just as We produced the first creation, (so) shall We reproduce it. That is a promise binding on Us. We truly uphold (Our promises)!”
Quran 21:104

My sister was really amazed by the description in these verses, as she did read in a science article before about the expanding universe, and how they hypothesized that the universe might reach it’s limit and eventually collapse in. However, she still had her doubts about Islam. She even asked God before why He didn’t send down a book that is not altered by men (she always thought that the Quran was written by men).

I urged her to ask the Ustaz all the questions and doubts she had. My sister said that after speaking with Ustaz Zhulkeflee (may Allah grant him the highest level of Paradise), she felt like all her questions were answered. It was as if a veil was removed from her eyes and she understood it all. Coincidentally, the class that night was about the first pillar of Islam, the Shahadah, the importance of taking the Shahadah. The following Friday, on 11th November 2016, my sister took her Shahadah with Ustaz Zhulkeflee. Alhamdulillah.

And on 11th December 2016, my sister and I took our shahadah officially at Darul Arqam, Alhamdulillah

SINCE MY CONVERSION TO ISLAM, I STARTED TO SEE THE WORLD IN A NEW LIGHT. IT SUDDENLY STRUCK ME HOW MISUNDERSTOOD ISLAM IS ON THIS LITTLE BLUE PLANET.

I must admit that I was not a fan of Islam before my conversion and I had always felt that it was an archaic and barbaric religion. Very hard not to feel that way with all the media coverage on terrorist attacks, mass shootings, oppressed women and cruel punishments. This is probably one of the main reasons why Islamophobia is spreading like wildfire in the recent years.

People don’t understand what Islam is and some Muslims probably don’t as well because no Muslim in their right mind would be willing to join a terrorist group if they truly understood the Qur’an, the teachings of Islam and the true meaning of word ‘Jihad’ in the sacred book.

I want to change that.

Or at least try. I want to write a book to help people understand Islam in an engaging and enjoyable way. To help them learn what society would be like if it practiced true Islam and not one that is corrupted by man. To learn how Islam can still be relevant in the far future and it is not as archaic and barbaric as people have thought it to be. To learn how Islam is about liberation and not oppression.

This book is not meant to teach you everything about Islam but it should give you a rough idea. It is a book about love and friendship all rolled into a story of a girl’s journey to finding God and her struggles as she tries to achieve her dream.

Islam is about peace and I hope that you’ll find peace as well when you read this book and will enjoy reading it as much as I had enjoyed writing it.

Peace be upon you, Haniya.